What do you do when you know God has placed a calling on your life, but the enemy's lies whispered in your ear make you freeze in your tracks? You FIGHT! Satan is a liar who is out to steal, kill, and destroy! Although he knows he can't have us if we belong to Jesus,
I am at an utter and complete loss for words. Since the day I declared my great, big, only-God-can-do-this dream to the world, I have no words. Zip! Zilch! Nada! Blank screen…
Perhaps I should restate that. I have words. They just don’t feel right.
Now, don’t be alarmed! (I’m telling myself that over and over.) The dream is for real! It’s the realest thing I’ve heard Holy Spirit speak into me in a long time. But the struggle! Oh! The struggle is real…fo sho!
I went out to the mailman cave to visit my man after I came home from work. He was doing man things, of course. We had our typical after-work exchange.
“How was your day?”
“It was a day. Yours?”
(Don’t judge us. There is so much more depth to that conversation than meets the eye. After almost 33 years of marriage, we just get each other.)
Anyway…the mailman had more man things to do, so I said, “I think I’ll go in the house and stare at my blank computer screen…and tap on the keyboard…as I wait for the words to come.”
And here I sit. But! My screen is not blank. I’m typing words! Granted, these words are just the ramblings of my brain at the moment. Nonetheless, they are WORDS! So, now that I’ve convinced myself of this, it’s time to sift through the rubble and find something useful.
Anyone who has ever felt God tug on your heart to do something for Him understands what I’m about to describe. It’s as if the minute we accept that calling, the devil sends his little minions to start messing with our heads. That may look different for each of us because he’s onto our weaknesses. For me, it comes in the form of pointing out my insecurities and fears.
“You’re really not good enough to do this,” is always his opening line. (He has zero originality.)
“Yes, I am!” I declare. “God wouldn’t have called me to it if He weren’t going to equip me!”
“Maybe, but you’re certainly no Beth Moore or Jen Hatmaker,” he snorts. “Those ladies! Now, they’ve got it going on. You can’t compete with that!”
As my shoulders begin to slump slightly, I’m reminded of a conversation I recently had with a woman whose counsel I value (partially because she’s my counselor, but also because she’s pretty wise). “Missy, the world already has a Beth Moore and Jen Hatmaker. This particular task has been given to you.”
Oh, but he’s not finished with me yet! He starts tossing out the big guns then!
“What makes you think God even cares about you?” he sneers. “You’re living your unimportant life in Podunk, TX. All your ‘heroes’ have big, important ministries, while you don’t even go to church on a regular basis. You are a NOBODY!”
These are fighting words! Enough of these lies!
First of all, I am NOT a nobody! God cares so much about me that He knows how many hairs are on my head! (Matt. 10:30)
Secondly, I am fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139: 14)
Finally, I have captivated His heart! (Song of Solomon 4:9)
Take that, devil!
Although I have no doubt of the calling placed upon my life to write, and I believe I will someday be a published author, I wait. The words have not yet come. No progress has been made…or has it?
As I sat staring at my blank screen one evening last week, Emily stopped by for a visit. After I voiced my frustrations to her and shared my doubt about whether I had heard God correctly, she spoke into my conundrum with great wisdom. “You should just keep blogging for now, Momma,” she said. “Sometimes after God tells us about His plans, we have to wait till the timing is right, but you can keep sharing what He’s doing in your life until then in your blog.”
Funny…the mailman had said basically the same thing the night before.
“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
During a road trip yesterday, I was listening to an audiobook and was reminded about many great people in the Bible who were called to do great big, only-God-can-do-this things throughout history. Just like me, many of them had a period of waiting before the time came to do the actual thing. Perhaps the waiting period is the most essential piece of the equation.
So…I wait. Laying my impatience and frustrations aside, I wait upon the Lord.
Now, don’t misunderstand! Waiting does not mean sitting around doing nothing, nor does it mean trying to force the dream to happen.
While we are waiting, we should lean more intentionally into the Father, resting in His peace and allowing Him to heal our brokenness. I feel like that’s where God has me right now, so I am learning to trust in Him – His timing, His mercy, His grace, and His unwavering, limitless love for me.
For while we wait, we surrender to His sovereignty, allowing God to be God in our lives and giving up our struggle against Him. After all, He’s on our team! As a matter of fact, He’s the Team Captain!
“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:13b-14, ESV)
Therefore, I press on. Because I know He has a plan for me, a plan to give me a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11), I can move forward, leaning into His power and trusting in Him.