Who is that Fat Girl?
Would someone please shut that fat girl up?!? She has been harassing me since I was in the seventh grade, and I’m freaking sick of it! I NEVER hear anything positive come out of her mouth! The only thing she’s good at is making me feel bad about myself! It’s time for her to be quiet and go away!
Sorry! I guess that might’ve been a little melodramatic, but I do have a point to make. Of course, I’m referring to the fat girl who lives in my head, so please don’t be offended. I’m sorry to be so politically incorrect, but I’ve gotta expose that b-word for who she really is! And since she lives in MY head, I think I can call her fat if I want to!
When I was in about the seventh grade, I started my first diet. I think my mom was doing the Atkins diet or something else trendy for the late 1970’s, so I’m sure it was some juvenile version of that. It wasn’t uncommon for me to eat ice and drink water for supper. (Of course, that was usually followed by 8 Pringles and a Kraft cheese single for dessert.)
The thing is, I was a skinny kid. See!
My new “friend” (let’s call her “Jezebel”) made me believe I was overweight because I didn’t have a thigh gap like one of the eighth grade girls (who was a little bow-legged, btw). So, I listened to her lies and jumped on the diet roller coaster and have been riding it ever since.
Such a Liar!
My new pal Jezebel, as I’m sure you guessed, symbolizes our lying enemy, the devil. He’s a thief who “comes to steal, kill, and destroy.” (John 10:10) In my case, he began to destroy me with insecurity and poor self-image. Now, this is pretty much his weapon of choice among women of all ages, proving that he is not very creative or original. He is, however, very efficient and effective. Just look at the diet and beauty industries today.
I’ve listened to those lies since around 1978, believing that I was unlovely, fat, unwanted. I’ll spare you the details, but I’ll just sum up the almost 4 decades since that time by saying that I’ve gained and lost hundreds of pounds since I first heard Jezebel whisper the “f” word in my ear.
That Was Then. This is Now.}
I’m approaching the second anniversary of a surgery that I believe literally saved my life. I was headed down a path of destruction mapped with stops at diabetes, hypertension, and an early death until I had a gastric sleeve procedure (sleeve gastrectomy) on October 29, 2014. This was me prior to the surgery:
Since then, I have lost just over 70 pounds and managed to keep it off…with the exception of the 6 pounds I’ve gained recently. This is me now:
(These photos are by Emily D Photography! Click here to learn more!)
Lately, though, I see myself sliding back into my old habits of unhealthy food choices, lack of exercise, and berating myself, so I decided this would be a great way to slam on the brakes and get back on track! Not by dieting, but by following a sensible, healthy lifestyle full of delicious whole foods and lots of movement. I’ve already experienced how much better it makes me feel, and I yearn for that again.
Exposing the Enemy
The point of this post is to expose that wicked fat girl for the liar she really is and publicly abolish her from my mind. You see, like many other people (particularly women) who have lost large amounts of weight, I’ve never been able to fully see myself the way others see me. If I start to like what I see when I look in the mirror, my old buddy Jez is quick to point out my bat wings or the loose inner thigh skin or my saggy bottom (I did not say soggy bottom, there. There’s a big difference!) She reminds me that my “headlights” are always on low beam and draws attention to my turkey gobbler.
Please understand, I’m not feeling sorry for myself here or asking for affirmation at all! I wave off affirmation like a swarm of flies, anyway, because I have trouble accepting it. I guess my whole point in sharing this is to say that I’m SICK of her lies! She whispers them to all of us, and I’m fed up! They are oppressive! They accuse us of not being good enough, thin enough, wealthy enough, pretty enough, smart enough. She tells us we aren’t good enough wives, mothers, daughters, friends, sisters, lovers, teachers, nurses, Christians…
I am enough. YOU are enough. God is enough.
SHUT UP, YOU LYING SACK OF POOP AND GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG!!!
Friends, if you have your own Jezebel whispering lies in your ear, I implore you to send her packing! One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Not only did God create us, but He did so in His own image! (See Genesis 1:27). We are His crowning glory, His most prized possessions! That makes us pretty darn awesome, don’tcha think?
“Brothers (and sisters), I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:13-14)
God desires for us is to not be weighted down by the lies and accusations of the enemy. He wants us to thrive and be free from that oppression. My prayer for anyone who reads this post is that you’ll reach up your hands to the One who came to set the captives free and allow Him to unshackle you from the chains that keep you from the fullness of life in Him!